


why?

by we_have_cake



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Fluff, I love my boys, M/M, angst if you squint, it's one am forgive me, stan ATEEZ, this is super gay, why do i ship this? who knows but i love it none the less
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 10:09:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16637933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/we_have_cake/pseuds/we_have_cake
Summary: "Why?" with the simple word from San his composure fell along with the facade he tired to desperately keep in place, and let is inner ramblings spill from trembling lips.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> stan ateez, stan my boys, stan this story

"Why?" with the simple word from San his composure fell along with the facade he tired to desperately keep in place, and let is inner ramblings spill from trembling lips.

 "Why, if I've spent years around you, why only now does it feel so right? Why do I feel at home right now? Why is it that my entire life I've been looking for whatever this is, looking and lusting over this feeling, why now that I finally have it running through my veins and invading my head, why exactly can't my mind wrap around the fact that this is here? The fact that you're here?

" Why do I feel like every time I open my mouth someone will find a reason to hate me and have some sort of vendetta against me, but right now I feel as if none of that matters? Am I being stupid right now? Telling you all this, and not giving a fuck? Are you going to hate me after all this? What are we, on this world, I've been spending most of the time wondering what life was about but is this it? Is this why we exist, to find something or someone who makes us feel whole, wanted, accepted and loved? Why is one dance what's making me question myself? How can one person make me feel as if everything is finally right?" and the question that was on the tip of his tongue,

"Is this what love feels like?"

Maybe it was 4 am delirium and he was only making a fool out of himself. Maybe when he keened into Mingi's touch he was only somehow getting his hopes up and everything would be gone by morning light. But maybe for just this once this is what was supposed to happen. It felt like he was sipping sanity, taking a bite out of euphoria and testing a line he had never crossed and he was crying because it had been so long. It had been too long, in fact, since his tears left the corners of his eyes, since he felt as if he didn't have to hide his face, since he felt safe and warm in someone's arms.

But here he was. Here he was, safely tucked into the arms of some one who accepted him in without a second thought, someone who gave him his clothes and offered to let sleep in his bed, a wonderful person named Song Mingi who made him feel like things could get better. San is glad that he got stuck out in the rain.

He's glad he got soaking wet, he's glad he didn't turn around and kick Hongjoong out, he's glad that when given the choice, the option between right or left he chose left because here he was, he was okay and safe and accepted and made to feel as if it was just him and Mingi and everyone else didn't matter. It was happening. It was here and now and he could see clearly that people lie. Because moments like this really do exist. There are moments in life where you can feel safe. Where you can find one person who makes you feel warm, even when your hands are constantly cold. There are moments when you won't feel the need to shy away from a hand tracing your skin. And there are people who make life worthwhile sometimes.

  
He felt delicate. Almost fragile. But it wasn't new, just exposed. And he felt content with letting the armor fold and letting the glass have a moment.

  
He took a deep breath, resonating the in and out with Mingi's even heartbeat that he could feel just under the tips of his fingers. He spent so long, wondering if he was enough but now the answer was clear. yes. He was enough.   
He could do it. He could make it, he was up to par with what he wanted to be. He was making his dreams come true. Judging the weight of his next words he decided to say fuck it, if something happened and he died tomorrow he would want to be happy even after death.

"Would you hold it against me," he whispered, trying to ease into something familiar. Quiet.

"Would  you hold it against me if I said that you're making everything seem right? And would you hold it against me," deep breath, "Would you hold it against me if I said that I feel comfortable and at peace right now? If I said that I want to kiss you right now?"

He looked deep into Mingi's eyes, tear streaks probably making him look like a fool, but behind his eyes held this light, this sparkle and he looked at Mingi as if there was a puzzle hidden behind him and it was his duty to solve it. And he wanted to reach out and solve it, to feel more than he had ever. He wanted that burst of color he had only seen described in books, he wanted that electricity and he didn't want doubt and fear.

  
"No, I could never hold that against you." 

  
That's all the confirmation he needed, a small smile gracing Mingi's lips as he moved forward, connecting his lips with San's in a moment of sweet sweet bliss. Like honey on his lips.

Short, sweet, but it sent electricity crackling down San's spine and he couldn't help but want more. But his body was lagging with the need for sleep.

He smiles at Mingi.   
Running his hands through Mingi's hair.   
Letting his fingertips thread through soft hair.

"You are magic." He whispers, and he feels as if truer words had never been spoken.


	2. Chapter 2

  
It was vaguely wet, tears come to a still but cheeks still tacky, and he tasted salt on his lips.   
But as soon and a pair of full lips were rested on his own, none of that mattered. It was bliss, and a bigger meaning, and it felt like he could fall into this and everything would be alright, as if the energy flowing between them was something that couldn't be compromised. He knew what broken felt like.   
He knew the feeling of broken hearts, unrequited love, he knew heartbreak and abandonment and people who never accepted him because he loved differently than most, because in a field of roses he was a violet.   
Because he was blue, and he finally realized that's okay.   
There are ups and downs, and its a rollercoaster of life that we deal with, the highs and lows, and it felt like he could stay here forever and be okay.   
Be content.   
Let his constantly moving wings settle and rest.   
He wanted this and it was at his grasp and he could only melt into it, savor the soft thumb tracing over his cheeks, the soft lips met with his crack ones, and the being that is Mingi meeting with his. He felt comfort and as they pulled back the couldn't help but smile, lips pulled wide as his forehead rested again Mingi's.

"You're amazing, you know that? I've never said it before, in fear of rejection or something of the sort. But you are amazing. You move and every step has a meaning and a purpose and its amazing to watch it unfold in front of my eyes, I don't show it enough but in the simple moments as we watched each other dance it felt like I was part of something bigger. I didn't let you in back then, and I think that that is one of the worst decisions I have ever made. You're beautiful to me."

San, emotions flooded his everything like he had never let them before. The floodgates were released and there was a beautiful mix, or a montage of sorts and it felt beautiful, and he pulled back slightly to properly look Mingi in the eye, and San could see his everything it felt like.

His eyes were the windows to his soul, his feelings and it felt like he could just drown in the beauty that lie there.   
He could see the tears form in the corners of Mingi's eyes, and the smile that spread across his face, and just something entirely him. He carefully lifted his hand, gracing his face as he wiped the tears away from Mingi's stunning eyes, smiling as an encouragement of sorts.

It was a euphoric mash up, tears and smiles and warmed hearts and softened souls and people who finally felt more at home with each other then they ever had before.

He couldn't hold back it felt, and he pressed his lips to Mingi's.   
Once. Twice. Over and over because it felt amazing. With the hand settled on the back of his neck, he felt protected, and he wanted to get impossibly closer because Mingi, he felt warm and welcoming and loving.   
"Your life is amazing, and I'm glad to play a part in it."


End file.
